Women are always asking men to put the toilet seats down.  I understand their complaint, but I can’t believe it actually happens.  Who sits down without looking first?  Nobody sits down on a couch without looking, there could be a bag of potato chips, a discarded fork or a tiny lap dog.  The fact is, women don’t want to touch the seat with their hands.  It’s an easy excuse to get guys to do their work for them.  “Hey, you put it up, you put it down”.  Here’s the count, every time a guy tinkles, it’s once up, and then once down, that’s touching it twice.  If men put the toilet seat up when they went, it would be one touch.  Then, when women have to go, they put it down, one touch.  It’s one touch rule, every gender is responsible for their up or down side.  Of course at night, the seat must always remain down, that’s the compromise I am willing to propose.  Will it be accepted, doubtful…

I would like to be digging my toes in the sand right now.  I would like to be tossed about by the ocean waves right now.  I would like to feel the sun on my face and the salty crust on my skin.

We have incisors and molars.  Humans are made to be omnivores.  Now, we are no longer hunters but only gatherers.  Can you imagine if we all had to kill our own meat, skin it, prepare it, smoke or store it and then cook it?  The fact that delicious meats are available in every market in every city in America is the reason that vegetarianism will remain the minority.  The cavemen would kill the mammoths or other large game and have food for weeks, subsisting at other times on nuts, berries and greens during the low hunting seasons.  I have nothing against eating only veggies, but cutting my food seems to be part of my humanity.  I feel a huge buzz after eating a steak.  I feel pure delight when consuming buffalo tenders.  Pork chops, tender fish, burgers—don’t tell me no!  I fully appreciate their sacrifice for my reward.  Therefore, animals should be slaughtered as humanely as possible.  Although it is an oxymoron, they can at least be raised properly and in turn will elicit better, healthier meat.  The future holds a world where delicious, wild fish could be extinct, such as tuna and salmon.  Farm raised fish doesn’t sound right.  The point is to consume and cultivate intelligently while conserving the natural habitat and customs of the animals.  We share this world with animals; they deserve our respect before we ingest them.  Vegans and vegetarians keep on your path if you desire, but don’t deny yourself the tastes of our world.  Sample the treasures of land and sea.  Meat eaters keep on your path, but don’t over-farm, over-fish or over-consume just because you don’t like broccoli.

Most people love weddings.  They enjoy seeing two young people looking as sharp as knives and smiling like car salesmen starting their journey together.  There is so much promise, so much hope, love, desire, happiness and presumed fulfillment of dreams.  Eventually, the buzz wears off leaving behind the wonderful,  stable relationships we see walking hand in hand in the autumn years or disintegrates into divorce.  Either way, there was a honeymoon.  William Windsor recently announced his engagement to a beautiful young commoner and the tabloids rejoiced!  Evidently, they had their courting period which involved some ugly gum chewing faux pas, a breakup, a makeup, a college and military graduation and finally the ceremony whereby Diana’s ring found a new finger.  The world will watch next year as a man born into a rich, royal family marries the best lady Britain has available and we will never be happy for them again.  They will be dissected under that same fine toothed paparazzi comb that chased Diana into a wall in France.  There will be more protection presumably, and perhaps if they don’t divorce it won’t have such an ugly ending, but nevertheless, their lives are for our perusal.  Our modern royalty is for the commoners to know.  Americans usually take an indifferent stance on the British monarchs, but always know who they are and what they’re doing.  We don’t have that “God save the Queen/King” mentality.  Generally, until the late 19th century, it was more like a “Go F@#* the King”.  The few rulers left in Denmark, Spain, Holland, England,  Sweden and elsewhere have little left except just to represent themselves as  well as they can.  They’re at the World Cup, Olympics and in the tabloids.  They are figureheads from a bygone era, but still fascinating.  (The Middle Eastern Kings seem to me to be a different breed in that they seem to be sellouts.  They went to Oxford, speak with a British accent, wear suits, have beautiful wives and don’t give much back to their countries.  I confess to be completely ignorant of their actual behaviors, but what can I do, who knows who the king of Saudi Arabia is, and I guarantee nobody else in that country travels, lives or eats like that fat douche.)  I know that British royalty is only a name in the political system with no real power, but they still represent England and give a certain pride to the Brits.  Australia, Canada, New Zealand and some Caribbean islands have the Queen’s face on their money and respect her notably absent authority.  The sun never sets on the English empire, and it will continue to be that way as long as there are new babies and new weddings.  Basically, what I see in the newlyweds faces is a blind hope to be happy together and enjoy castle life.