Driving the Italian Road

Visions

It’s a manicured country, as if a greenskeeper was in charge of an entire peninsula. Trees planted long ago according to the whims of the local dukes and ruling aristocracy. Even the autostrada offers wonderful views as long as you can ignore the angry faces tailgating you in your rear view. Continue reading

Bumpers Baby

I saw a crooked bumper sticker today that said some nonsense about “anyone caught tailgating will receive a beating.” It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t informative, it wasn’t descriptive, it was lame. The car was a giant, old American beater, with a goofy young guy driving too fast in it, (and tailgating the person in front of him). But I thought, you buy a bumper sticker and just slap that thing on, thinking, yeah that’s funny! It’s crooked though, it’s distracting and offers nothing to other drivers. These are goofballs that bother me with their poor sense of humor, poor work ethic and poor planning. They pick a stupid sticker and slap it on without thoughts of horizontality. If you’re going to advertise on your ride, put some thought into it, and decide who you are and what you want people to know about you in the brief instant they are located behind your bumper. Usually, the worst culprits of the slanty sticker are the soccer moms advertising their middle school honor student. Lady, I’m proud of your kid, but not you.

“Oh honey, great job, all A’s, I’m putting this sticker right in the middle of the van’s bumper.”

“Uh, mom, it’s kinda crooked, maybe I should put that on, you’ve had a hard day and after all, I’m the honor student.”

Maybe no one else is bothered by this, or even notices it, but I do. So, next time you have a clever or even mind-numbing quote that fits your rear end; think about the people that will have to stare at your stupid stickers and grab a ruler.

Staring Drivers

Anyone who’s driven a motor vehicle near a crowded metropolis knows this situation: someone makes a turn or drives past you and stares at you the whole time. Their blank face judging you, wondering why you are such an idiot, and thanking the stars above that they are not you. This is one of the most annoying, road rage inducing acts a driver can do. It offers a sense of superiority to the moving vehicle as they blankly, disapprovingly watch you as they pass.  Continue reading

Roadkill

Leaving the apartment, I saw a dead armadillo, the icon of Texas. Some may argue that Willie Nelson or bluebonnets or the Alamo or the Cowboys are more iconic of the Lone Star State and they may be right, but the armadillo is the Tasmanian Devil of Texas. We know he’s there and he represents hard for Texas, the same way the Tasmanian Devil represents the lonesome island south of Australia. We don’t see either of them all the time, but we know they’re there. Continue reading