Bumpers Baby

I saw a crooked bumper sticker today that said some nonsense about “anyone caught tailgating will receive a beating.” It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t informative, it wasn’t descriptive, it was lame. The car was a giant, old American beater, with a goofy young guy driving too fast in it, (and tailgating the person in front of him). But I thought, you buy a bumper sticker and just slap that thing on, thinking, yeah that’s funny! It’s crooked though, it’s distracting and offers nothing to other drivers. These are goofballs that bother me with their poor sense of humor, poor work ethic and poor planning. They pick a stupid sticker and slap it on without thoughts of horizontality. If you’re going to advertise on your ride, put some thought into it, and decide who you are and what you want people to know about you in the brief instant they are located behind your bumper. Usually, the worst culprits of the slanty sticker are the soccer moms advertising their middle school honor student. Lady, I’m proud of your kid, but not you.

“Oh honey, great job, all A’s, I’m putting this sticker right in the middle of the van’s bumper.”

“Uh, mom, it’s kinda crooked, maybe I should put that on, you’ve had a hard day and after all, I’m the honor student.”

Maybe no one else is bothered by this, or even notices it, but I do. So, next time you have a clever or even mind-numbing quote that fits your rear end; think about the people that will have to stare at your stupid stickers and grab a ruler.

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